How to Destroy Validation and Approval Addiction (Step by Step Guide)
In relationships, we are always on the lookout for ways to please the other person . Nothing wrong with that, except when you constantly try to seek validation. What communication skills can improve your relationships immediately? Validation is a way of communicating that the relationship is important and solid even. I constantly craved approval, thinking that a consistent stream of validation would bring was ruining the one thing I wanted most: a healthy, happy relationship.
But, I am here to state that as his maleness declines testosterone levels, erections, and his ability to do anything for a womanhis desperation for validation from the opposite sex increases. All humans experience fear, but half the population suffers in silence under the guise of machismo.
Declining manhood is rarely analyzed by experts, therefore surely it does not exist. You see as women grow more self-aware and confident with age, men grow more insecure. Undeterred by this condition, he makes his way to the potty, only to think, hey maybe that day he had heard about, has arrived. He looks in the mirror in horror, as he notices that his hairline has receded past the point where he can confidently drop a pair of panties with a smile.
There it is, his manhood is laying in the sink.
What are you looking for?
That outer sign of male desirability, his sexiness, his looks, is receding past the point of return. It is starting to resemble Santa Claus, that adorable grandpa whose belly jiggles like jelly every time he laughs.
For most men, that first fail to rise up for a woman, is a death sentence. It is that turning point in his life, where he no longer desires a human to relate to, he needs and absolutely craves a person to validate his masculinity. This is that moment that every man begins to refer to himself as a real man.
It is as if he is trying to convince himself and all around him, that the situation between his legs is of no relevance to the opposite sex, because he has his years, and his experience to prove he is a man. This is also the time that a man begins to look at the opposite sex with a sense of need and entitlement. He has experienced love, he has experienced relationships, and many have even experienced marriage, which is something they no longer need. This is the point when married men look for validation outside the marriage, or start to dabble in making new, younger, female friends online.
At this point, many single men start to look frantically for someone to commit to. This is that point, when an avowed bachelor and player, starts looking for a wife.
I have joked many times that a woman can spot a man who is ready to commit simply by paying attention to his hairline. As soon as it starts to recede, that is exactly when that cog in his head starts to spin. Scared for his life, a single man who has faced his declining masculinity, is now more than ready, even in a hurry to settle down and make babies. And then there is the divorced man.
He has already been married and had babies, and feels no need to repeat that again. He has been inspired by media and a few divorced friends, that this is his time to recapture his youth, and prove his virility by dating women half his age. It does not matter that she has no college degree, and no career aspirations. It makes no difference that she is only admiring his wallet. All that matters is that she looks young enough to convince all males that he is still virile, and that she acts convincingly enough to show there is substance to this relationship.
Is He Looking for a Relationship, or Validation? | The Goddess Principles
In all three cases, you are looking at a man who is dating to find validation. He is looking for women to confirm he is a man. The more desperate and insecure he is, the more women he needs to fill that gaping hole of his former masculinity.
If he is afraid enough, he will rush into a long term relationship simply because he fears being alone. For him it is better to secure a willing partner who is looking to settle down, than risk continued rejection from women.
But, if he feels confident enough that he has choices, he will start to date for the purpose of seeing how far he can go. Men who are dating for validation, often date to see who they can get. They simply need to know that she is interested, that she is willing, and that she will commit to him to feel validated.
3 Signs Your Need For Approval Is Sabotaging Your Love Life - mindbodygreen
They date to keep score of how many women will make them feel needed. When a woman rejects them, she is dismissed for not knowing a real man when she sees one, but the woman who pays attention to him is simply validation for what he can have.
He may enter a pseudo relationship and only stay to the point where he feels her attachment, and her confirmed interest in a relationship. Now that he knows he can have her, it is time to see how many more women are willing to attach themselves to him. These empty men who were raised with a sense of false masculinity, now truly have to prove they are a man. They were told by their mothers, their fathers, and their peers that a man is a man, and that is that.
But 50 years later, he is bald, has grown a spare tire, and women no longer chase him. Now he must prove, that he has still got it. Now he must prove that he is that man he has always been told he is.
He is dating out of fear, not out of genuine interest in a relationship. He is hungry, in fact starving for a woman who can make him feel like a man. But if a man needs a woman to make him feel like a man, then, is he really a man?
Yet, that hunger for validation is stronger than him. He is dating to prove something, and no matter how much attention he gets from interested women, and how much attention he buys from much younger women, nothing can complete an empty human being. This situation is like an addiction to attention and nothing more.
But how long can a human keep chasing proof that he is still valid? At a certain point it all fails to satisfy. And at another point, no matter how much he has to throw around, money can no longer buy attention even from the most desperate women. This is when males begin to seethe with anger, resentment and bitterness toward the opposite sex. He wants you to be aware just how much you need him, because your biological clock is ticking, your time is running out, and you better hurry up and settle for him.
I hate to say it, but I often see women falling for men who make them feel most insecure. Superhero, jet-setting billionaire, a guy who gets girls…anyone you want to be. You know what that place is called? Because of this, social media is much more addictive to women as a whole because generally speaking, attention is more of a catnip to women and women are more social than men.
Still, as a man and a young man — you can get sucked into this whirlpool of validation as well. Ok, the next one most definitely will. Many men today are absolutely addicted to female attention.
Many of us men were conditioned to seek female approval when we were young. We had to sit still while the teacher who was a woman gave us lessons.
We had to impress our crushes in school, who were leagues above us supposedly. We have never considered what WE want from life. So what happens when we grow up and start marching out into the world?
We try to fill a void inside ourselves with validation from women and guess what? You are literally making yourself a weaker man. To close, we get to our third source of external validation: Scott got accepted to Harvard Law! Your parents may want another doctor, lawyer, engineer, or so and so that they can brag to their friends about… But do you?
Seeking external validation from close friends and family members is yet again another disaster. Why is validation so alluring?