Christian relationship leading to marriage

How to Have a God Centered Dating Relationship: 12 Steps

christian relationship leading to marriage

Do you want to have God at the center of your dating relationship? Christians believe in marriage, so pursuing a girl you really like is the first step to that end. 3 Ways to Pursue Purity in Your Dating Relationship, Eric Giesow - Read more Christian engagement and marriage advice, Biblical help. until our wedding night, it was all the “not so bad” stuff that would lead us to tears and. Relationships, 6 Marks of a Healthy Relationship - Read more Christian relationships and marriage advice and Biblical help for husbands and.

Do you have a solid friendship with this person? Do you enjoy spending time with this person? Or do you only connect when there is gushy romance and longing gazes? When you are married, those Hallmark moments are not everyday occurrences. The vast majority of your marriage will be built on your friendship, not on your passion, attraction, or romance.

Are you attracted to each other? See the entire book of the Song of Solomon. But few of you will be tempted to make that mistake. Instead, we tend to err on the side of building a relationship on attraction alone.

That would be like trying to feed a puppy nothing but Red Bull. Sure… it would be exciting, but it would eventually kill the cute little thing. Are you both mature? Age does not necessarily equal maturity. Does one or both of you still live and act like a teenager? Are you both financially independent? Do either of you spend more money than you earn?

Do both of you take life and God seriously? These are important questions to ask. Are you heading in the same direction in life? This is a practical test. Is God calling one of you to a life of missions in India while the other wants to move back in with the parents?

If you seem to be heading in different directions, you have a choice to make. Either one of you changes your plans, or both of you compromise, or you decide to part ways. That is definitely not easy. What do your parents and trusted friends think? While all opinions are not equal and not all advice is necessarily good, a wise person takes wise counsel into account.

They also have a perspective and a wisdom that we tend to drastically undervalue. Can I trust their counsel? Good question — Notice that this is the last test. Then in this case, the Bible 2 Cor. Does God promise me a spouse if I want one?

6 Marks of a Healthy Relationship

Fall more in love with Him. Share your desire for a spouse with Him and ask Him to help you trust His plan for you, whatever it may be. He will absolutely give you more of Himself. God is good and getting more of Him is WAY better than getting a spouse or anything else we want in this life. It might simply be a level of interest that involves just getting to know them better, or it might be that you really like that person already and want to spend more time with them.

What does the whole submission thing mean? Do I make the final say no matter how crazy it is? Does she even get to make decisions?

He who loves his wife loves himself. Often people only read the sentences that apply to wives and forget the parts that apply to the husbands. The husband here actually has a pretty hard job. When you succumb to these temptations in a relationship, a simple disagreement can escalate into an all-out war.

Recognize that these selfish urges originate from the sin within you, not from you. Therefore, part of resolving conflict is remembering that as Christians, you and your date are not evil.

christian relationship leading to marriage

By separating sin from the person, you can more easily resolve disagreements. For example, one night at a restaurant, Todd sarcastically criticized his girlfriend, Jan, for the way she was dressed.

Whatever has gotten under your skin is ruining our evening together. We can talk about my clothes, but there is no need to criticize me. Indwelling sin initiated the urge to be rude, and he selfishly chose to respond to the temptation. Fortunately, Jan saw the problem for what it was—sin instigating criticism within Todd. She wisely nipped the problem in the bud, preventing the situation from escalating. Knowing that sin seeks to cause strife does not mean that you can avoid conflict.

A second important aspect of resolving conflict is allowing Jesus Christ to live His love through you. Allowing Him to meet your need for security and significance diminishes your motivation to attack or manipulate someone else. You still continue to voice your opinions and wishes, but Christ within you works to reach a solution that most benefits your relationship. This means you learn to give and take. Should you need to give, Christ will prompt you to be humble.

Likewise, if it is your turn to receive, Jesus will lead you to accept in gratitude. Only through your faith can Christ help you resolve your issues. As a couple, you both have to yield to His desires. So it is important that you deal with conflict several times before considering engagement. Determine whether both of you have shown a desire to compromise in past arguments. If not, does one of you try to bully the other with angry outbursts? If nothing improves, you may need to end your relationship.

Civilized arguments can benefit a relationship by exposing neglect, unrealistic expectations, or different points of view. Sometimes, neither person is wrong.

6 Marks of a Healthy Relationship

Each one is simply approaching the same topic from unique perspectives. Therefore, do not try to avoid conflict but seek to resolve it in a loving, mature manner. If you cannot freely voice your opinions, you will live in miserable bondage to another person. Both parties should have the freedom to express their ideas and desires. A relationship devoid of conflict may signal that one of you is either too passive or too afraid to be genuine.

These attitudes are not conducive to an intimate marriage, and you should not continue dating if you cannot be authentic with each other. Healthy relationships foster an environment in which you have the freedom to disagree.

Thus, before you get engaged, make sure you both feel free to be yourselves and know how to lovingly resolve conflict.

3 Ways to Pursue Purity in Your Dating Relationship

Relational baggage can develop when someone pursues fulfillment through a person, possession, or substance rather than the love of Christ. Baggage can surface in a variety of forms, such as addictions, eating disorders, abortion, debt, or divorce.

Unfortunately, almost everyone carries some type of baggage, so do not assume that your boyfriend or girlfriend is immune. Before you give someone your heart, determine if he or she is wrestling with any baggage issues. Also, understand that the consequences of certain baggage may never disappear completely. An addiction can keep someone in poor health.

A divorced single may regularly have child custody problems. If you are not prepared to deal realistically with them, the repercussions could easily dominate your relationship. Please do not downplay relational baggage—it has the power to destroy your relationship.

Sometimes, these complex, negative issues require years to resolve. Do not expect that marriage will make them disappear. Therefore, if your date carries emotional baggage, please vigilantly deal with it before you get engaged.

Marrying someone who is free of baggage is worth the extra months or years of waiting. After I dated Ashley for nine months, many of my close friends and relatives began to urge me to pop the question. They were sincere because Ashley and I had spent a lot of time around our friends and family. Their opinion meant something because they had been a part of our relationship. Since I knew they wanted the best for us, their excitement reinforced my desire to marry Ashley.

In the same way, I encourage you to seek the support of your friends and family. Since these people generally know you well, they can offer helpful insight on whether you and your date are a good match.

In addition, they are not as emotionally blinded as you are and may identify problem areas that you have overlooked. Should someone raise a concern about your relationship, focus on the facts and do not hide the truth. Be willing to admit that you might have neglected a problem. Parents and friends are not always right, but you should consider their legitimate opinions. They may have years of marriage experience to back up their concerns, and ignoring them would be foolish. Listen with an open mind to what they say about your relationship.

Remember, however, that the final decision rests solely in your hands. Instead, let loved ones be resources to aid in your decision-making process. When you make one of the biggest decisions of your life, having the support of your family and friends is a wonderful blessing. It not only gives you a sense of peace but also assurance that they will be there for you if times get hard. No married couple is an island. You will need the encouragement of others—especially if you have children.

You endanger your dating relationship if you hide it from people. Instead, ask yourself if those near to you are excited about your relationship moving forward, and examine why or why not. To this day, our friends and family are still excited about and supportive of our marriage. They go out of their way to encourage us and invite us to be a part of their lives. If we need help in any way, they will be there for us.

Pre-engagement counseling is so helpful when you are interested in marrying someone. It is impossible to uncover by yourself every potential problem area of your relationship. Even wise friends and family can overlook negative warning signs.

Therefore, seek a trained Christian counselor to discuss the details of your relationship before you get engaged.

christian relationship leading to marriage

I promise it is well worth it even if you have to go out of your way to find it. Ashley and I participated in eight weekly sessions of pre-engagement counseling together. The format was casual, which allowed us to openly share our fears and hopes. The counselor was perceptive and showed us areas that could cause problems for us in the future.

For instance, we discovered that we deal with our free time quite differently. Ashley prefers to make a list of tasks and work on projects, while I prefer to lounge around, read, and talk. Neither of us was right or wrong; we were just different. Fortunately, the counselor revealed this issue to help us become more sensitive to each other.

Rather than fight about our free time, we learned to value what the other person prefers. This is just one example of how pre-engagement counseling improved the harmony of our relationship. The decision to marry someone is so significant; please do not bypass the wisdom of outside counsel before engagement.

If you can meet with someone trained to deal with relational problems, you can save yourself a lot of heartache. Furthermore, a good counselor can help save you from marrying the wrong person. Jane had dated Ted for ten months when he brought up their first discussion about marriage. Jane liked Ted but felt unsettled about their future. This comment grabbed her attention.

Jane began to reflect over her relationship and noticed that Ted rarely seemed enthusiastic about her interests. Whenever she asked him to stop by her art class or volunteer together at church, he would made excuses.

A relationship with Ted meant that her individuality and interests took a back seat to his. The more Jane pondered, the less she felt comfortable about moving forward. When you consider marriage with someone, ask yourself, Does this person bring out the best in me?

This question may sound trivial, but its answer will reveal much about the future quality of your relationship. For that reason, you want to find someone who is passionate about investing in your life and vice versa. In healthy relationships, people help each other to flourish. Rather, relational cheerleading is creating an encouraging environment in which another person can safely try new experiences and grow as an individual.

This type of supportive atmosphere fosters intimacy.

Christian Relationship Advice: 7 Tips for Marriage/Dating Relationships

And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds Hebrews Before I married Ashley, I never realized how wonderful it was to be with someone who brings out the best in me. Her belief in me goes beyond mere words. Let me give you a firsthand illustration. Writing this book had been a dream of mine for years. Nevertheless, I almost gave up five times while trying to finish the manuscript.

The project kept getting bigger than I expected, so I frequently felt overwhelmed. She not only encouraged me when I was frustrated but also got involved by critiquing what I wrote each week. She sacrificed her time, interests, and desires to invest in the realization of my dream. She helped bring out the best in me.

In the same way, I encourage you to honestly assess what kind of influence your boyfriend or girlfriend has upon your life. Does he or she truly care about your growth and maturity?

Does he or she encourage you to meet new people, try new hobbies, and maintain your faith in God? Does he or she have a history of sacrificing time, money, or attention to support you physically and spiritually?

Or does he or she simply use you for his or her happiness? Many singles have been demoralized by dating an immature person. Instead, Christ wants singles to spur each other on to grow in love and maturity. You can start this process by asking your boyfriend or girlfriend about his or her dreams and goals.

What has he or she always wanted to do? In what area could he or she use your support? Determine how you might reasonably help your date achieve his or her desire. Then date each other long enough so that an extended pattern of supportive behavior can emerge. Remember that dating is a prelude to marriage, and marriage is a commitment to an imperfect person for his or her highest good.

Marrying someone who is committed to helping you flourish is a delight. On the other hand, living alone is better than marrying someone who does not deeply care about you. When you are dating, you always have the option to leave if someone acts unreasonably. In marriage, though, you make a lifelong commitment. Therefore, selecting wisely is imperative, especially when it comes to the issue of leadership.

The leader generally determines the maturity level of a relationship, and the best way to discern how someone handles leadership is to observe him or her in dating. The individual who leads during dating usually will lead in marriage.

Unfortunately, many singles wrestle with relational leadership for two reasons: Our culture suggests that anyone who wants to lead must exhibit superior performance to earn the title.

3 Ways to Pursue Purity in Your Dating Relationship

If a leader makes too many bad decisions, he or she can be fired and replaced. This definition, however, is not how God determines the leader of a marriage relationship. But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God 1 Corinthians For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her Ephesians 5: These verses clearly explain how God established the leadership structure for husbands and wives in marriage.

His hierarchy reaches beyond the roles of men and women. Consider the following points: God is the Head of Christ. Jesus is the Head of every man and woman. A husband is the head of his wife. A woman is subject to her husband. A husband is to love his wife sacrificially, just as Christ loves the church. Men and women are not independent of each other.

Jesus and husbands are assigned the positions of leadership. He assigned Christ and men as the leaders, and they choose whether to assume that responsibility properly. God made leadership a simple arrangement.