Meet The Fockers Script - transcript from the screenplay and/or Ben Stiller movie
In honor of National Toilet Day, TheWrap looks back on some of the "Lethal Weapon 2" () Murtaugh's night on the toilet ends with a bang. However, a lot of characters aren't shown going to the toilet as often as we all know h lethal weapon 2 sees murtagh trapped on the toilet by a bomb boobytrap. american pie. and we can't the cat scene in meet the fockers. the series ally. Lethal Weapon is a tetralogy of American action movies/comedies, originally written by Shane Black and entirely directed by Richard Donner. The series .
Looming over Murtaugh's head is his upcoming retirement and trying to figure out his life as a cop and what it will be like after retirement. In the final installment, Lethal Weapon 4Lorna is pregnant with Riggs' baby and both he and Murtaugh are contemplating the implications of growing older.
Meanwhile, Riggs and Murtaugh receive a brash younger detective named Lee Butters Chris Rock and are dealing with Chinese Triads when they uncover a boatload of illegal immigrants. Each movie played out like a cross between the typical cop show and Indiana Joneswith spectacular stunts at a breakneck pace while following a chain of evidence.
There is now a new television series beginning in on Fox starring Damon Wayans and Clayne Crawford on the respective roles of Murtaugh and Riggs. Real life cops would never handle firearms as recklessly as Riggs and Murtaugh do. The only time it's arguably justifiable is in the first film, when Riggs was borderline suicidal and thus was pointing his gun at his own head on purpose.
Riggs is a fan of The Three Stooges and occasionally apes their trademark moves. Actor Mel Gibson is an outspoken Stooges fan. Murtaugh's signature manoeuvre, done once a film, after rolling his head from side-to-side to crack his neck. For someone who's familiar with the theatrical version of the first film, watching it on one of these networks can be quite hilarious for that very reason.
Unfortunately, sometimes the censorship seems unnecessary and arbitrary— like when they cut out Riggs punching the guy on the hood of the car in Lethal Weapon 3 after asking if he was all right. Also, in Britain the theatrical release of Lethal Weapon 2 cuts the scene where Riggs kills two of the villains who drowned Rika after he uses his Houdini impression to escape the same fate.
The nailgun from the second film has a longer run than you'd expect. In the third film, it reminds Murtaugh, who is trying to sell his house, that he forgot to get permits to repair his blown-up house!
After Murtaugh's daughter appears in a condom advertisement, Murtaugh bemoans how his police colleagues will be planting condoms wherever he goes. That night Murtaugh and his family are attacked in their home and no-one is interested in playing jokes on him Even Murtaugh can't help breaking down in laughter. Murtaugh was concerned about Rianne's flirtations with Riggs and the possibility she'd end up married to a cop.
The latter happened, but not to anybody Murtaugh knew. The film pretty much codified the Buddy Cop genre. After the third film, where Riggs and Murtaugh were busted down to patrolmen for messing with the bomb squad's job and blowing up a buildingthe fourth film has the department unable to get their insurance renewed due to the propensity of the duo causing catastrophic damage in their escapades. But since they can't be demoted off the streets, the department decides to promote them, fully two steps, bypassing Lieutenant and making them both Captains, at least until the insurance is renewed, in an attempt to get them off the streets.
The insurance gets renewed at the end of the movie, though, resulting in Riggs and Murtaugh being busted back down to Sergeants. Notably, while their escapades are just as frenetic and crazy as the last three films, they are not nearly as destructive, explaining why they were able to get the insurance renewed. Murtaugh's "I'm too old for this shit," as well as his "Go spit, Riggs!
To the point that the fourth movie has both protagonists dealing with their aging. Riggs starts off as a suicidal, lonely man and at the end of the fourth movie is shown to be a happy member of a large family.
Riggs' "trick" shoulder that can be dislocated more or less at will: Riggs' ability to dislocate his shoulder is established in the beginning of the second film, where he uses it twice to get out of a straightjacket. He also has to reset his shoulder twice in the third film, though not under such mortal circumstances.
At one point, he slides himself into a pole to do so on the fly. Trish's station wagon in the first two films goes through all kinds of ridiculous damage, including being hit by a toilet.
Despite being a highly trained martial artist, Riggs isn't against groin attacksusing improvised weaponry, dropping a crate on a man, or killing him with a machine gun when it becomes clear he's not going to win a fist fight.
Captain Murphy, though he regards Riggs and Murtaugh's antics with weary exasperation, as opposed to always yelling at them like most examples of this trope. Captain, it's a shit assignment.
I don't give a fuck, okay? That's why I don't have an ulcer, cause I know when to say "I don't give a fuck. The sequels get increasingly lighthearted and comedic. Frequently inflicted upon Leo. Yeah, the guy's annoying, but is that any reason to break his nose, then grab said broken nose?
Not to mention the proctological examination in the third movie. Daddy, what is this thing? It's a custom-designed, climate-controlled motor coach. Jack calls it the Highlight of our Twilight. Well, in these uncertain times, Greg, I opted for a Kevlar-reinforced hull with two-inch thick plexiglas windows, just like the ones they design on the Russian Widowmaker submarines. I want you to conduct a field test for us, Greg. I want you to demonstrate the impregnable outer skin of the coach.
Throw it at the window. Jack, I'm not gonna-- I'm not gonna throw a brick at your window. It's a simple demonstration. No, I'd-- I'd really rather not.
Don't worry, your rental insurance should take care of it. Come on, we'll call a tow truck from the road. We're driving this to Miami. I thought we were-- I thought we were, we're flying tomorrow. Airline travel being what it is these days, so unreliable, I'll feel much more comfortable knowing I have my own Posturepedic bed, my own thermostat, my own lavatory facility.
So-- so we're all going to be in this together? We hit the road in exactly seven minutes, seconds. This way we'll get in early, spend an extra half day with your parents, getting to know them. Worth it for you but I'm the one that gets the fumes. So make a-- Hey, guys, uh, it's me. Listen, I'm getting a little worried. I haven't heard back from you. Hope you got the message. There's been a little change of plans. We're gonna be, uh, coming down in Jack's RV now, so we'll be arriving tomorrow afternoon, not tomorrow night.
And, also, uh, they're bringing their little grandson, so, uh, he's like a baby. Oh, welcome aboard, me hearties. Hey, this is incredible. Yes, it's as big as our apartment. Jinx finally learned how to flush the toilet, huh? Jack installed a special flusher, and he learnt how to do that in about two days. Ready to hit the road, Co-Captain? Let's set sail, sailor. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
This is Captain Jack Byrnes speaking. As a courtesy to your fellow passengers, please remember that the onboard lavatory should be used for number one only. Should the need for number two arise, we'll stop at the nearest rest stop, gas station, or heavily wooded area.
I like that thing. Hey, do you mind if I, uh, make a little announcement? Only the captain gets to make an announcement. You want to honk the horn? Only the captain gets to honk the horn. Hey, Jinxy, see that? Do you want some milk? Oh, she wants you to honk the horn. Rules of the road. She honks, you honk. Give her a honk. It's like a team or something. So make a-- Hey, there. No hard feelings, all right? Now, wait a minute. What does this mean? I know what this means. You got to poop, right?
Thank you for warning me. Just let it come out. What did you do, Focker? I think he has to poop. That's not the sign for poop. That's the sign for milk. This is the sign for poop. What's the sign for sour milk? That's because it's from Debbie's left breast, Greg. Fortunately, she pumped for a week to give us enough for the trip.
Okay, snack pack for Little Jack. What are you doing there? Well, during the breastfeeding stage, Greg, infants can get very confused and upset when they're separated from their mothers. So I invented something to ease L. I call it the Mannary Gland.
I had it made from an exact cast of Debbie's left bosom. It's been so effective, I'm thinking of getting it patented.
Would you like to touch it? Oh, come on, feel how soft it is. I can-- I can see how soft it is from here. No, feel it, Greg. It's very-- It looks very-- Just feel the breast, Greg.
Oh, watch the nipple. It's got a great, lifelike, and a Or what I would imagine Debbie's breast might-- might actually feel like.
Not that I would know. Honey, you promised you wouldn't take the boob out in front of company. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Breast-feeding is perfectly natural. Dad, that's not natural, that's just weird.
As soon as Little Jack's topped off, we're gonna hit the road. Oh, Jack, you can't drive any more tonight. Monroe said no aggravating your sciatica. Honey, we're on a very precise schedule. We bunk here tonight, we hit horrendous traffic in the morning. Maybe you could drive the night shift. I could do that. I am the Co-Captain. So, I think that falls under my responsibilities, right? Keep her at stay alert. I've been wanting to get behind the wheel of this big boy.
Sorry, got to go. Would you like some company, Greg? If you can't sleep. How about a cappuccino? Oh, you don't have to do that. It's no problem for me. Wake up and make Greg a cappuccino! Shake a leg, woman! Jesus, Jack, you know, I'm not that tired. This cockpit's completely soundproofed. You should've seen the look on your face. That was-- That was a good one. But you should never talk to a woman like that, you know that, Greg.
Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important. You know what that is? Now, my grandson, Little Jack, is part of that legacy. In six months, you and Pam are gonna be married. Sometime after that, you'll want to start a family of your own. Actually, on the subject, I had some thoughts about the wedding date.
We'll discuss that later, after this weekend, Greg. Now, let's get back on point. Let me put it very simply. If your family circle does indeed join my family circle, they'll form a chain. I can't have a chink in my chain. I get the metaphor. Now, I've never met your parents, so I'm not going to jump to any hasty conclusions. But, like studying a frozen caveman, if I can see where you came from, I'll have a much better idea of where you're going. A- are you thinking maybe my parents might be like-- like a chink in the chain or A doctor and a lawyer, what's there to worry about?
Ooh, it seems very nice. Is that your father? That is my father. What the heck is that contraption? I thought you guys were flying in tonight. I left a message yesterday We were driving-- Oh, I didn't get a message. I left you like five messages. Will you get over here and plant one on me. I've been waiting so long to see you. Good to see you. Oh, I missed you.
Is this not the most handsome young man you've ever seen in your life? I used to call him a young Jewish Marlon Brando. Can you believe I conceived him with one testicle? I only have one because the other never dropped. It's called an undescending testicle. It's not uncommon, but look at him.
Imagine what he would have looked like if I had two. That's a good icebreaker. There's the sexiest second grade teacher I've ever seen in my life.
Meet the Fockers () - Cinema Cats
That was a good one. It gets her every time. It's so nice to meet you. The pleasure is all mine, mon cheri. You got to be the flower man. Jack Byrnes, Pam's father. And I'm Bernard Focker, Gaylord's father, and we're all grownups here and we shake hands like men. Oh, we're just playing here. Give me some love. What're you so shy about? Look at those pecs. You're harder than sheetrock. Now tell me the truth.
You work out with weights, right? Well, I do various callisthenics. Some medicine-ball training, I play bimonthly football. I was just, uh, practicing my Capoeira. The Brazilian martial art of dance fighting. He knows what that is. You know, I've been doing it for weeks. I'm really into it. It keeps me level. Because sometimes I get wound up so tight, I could just snap.
Is there a baby on board? It was all in the message. Hey, Moses, go ahead, say hello to your future in-laws. No, no, he's harmless.
Just shake him off. He likes the shaking. The pink part didn't get on you. Moses, go, get in your basket. Who's this little guy? This is our grandson, Little Jack. How are you, Little Jack? Hey, Dad, don't-- don't-- don't infantilize him. Just talk to him like a person. What are you talking about?
Lethal Weapon (Film) - TV Tropes
I want to talk to him like he's a baby. When Roz's dad died, I said: Dad, you continue the tour. I'm gonna tell Mom we're here, okay? The upstairs bathroom is on el fritzo. So we're all gonna have to share this one for now. Since there's a water scarcity on the island, we kind of abide by the ''if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down'' policy.
Forgot my own rule. The RV has paid for itself already. Let's get your kundalini rising. And now it's time for the ladies to get into the reverse cowgirl position.
Guys, you have to lie across the Liberator pad like so. Everyone look at how Ira's doing it. The man is loose, he's limber and he's ready for action. So, climb aboard, girls, and let me hear your bodies talk. This position is terrific for anyone with osteoporosis, gout or goiter. Stay with me, kids. We have to wrap it up. Remember to take your Liberator pads.
And don't forget to stretch before you try this at home. We don't want anyone shattering a pelvis. Oh, I love you so much.
Exclusive Clip: Jinx the Cat's Best 'Little Fockers' Moments
I haven't seen my bubeleh in months. Honey, you feel thin. Mom, how do we explain all these people to the Byrneses? The Byrneses won't know they were here. We agreed to be discreet about you being a sex therapist this weekend until you got to know Jack and Dina better.
I put all my toys away. And my office is all ready for them to sleep in. Your father thought they'd be more comfortable down here. You don't wanna know. Talk to me about something important, honey. How are things with you and Pam? Because, you know, after two years, you have to work to keep things going. Does she still climax regularly? You can't talk that way this weekend, okay?
Honey, I'm just saying I didn't raise you to be a so-so lover. Okay, what is he doing? Don't-- don't worry about them. Mom, Mom, you got to get these people out of here now. Wipe that little gloss off you. You hunt deer, Bernard?
No, I hate that thing. Roz's father gave it to us. He was into all that macho-wacho crap. He and I went duck-hunting together. Gay, you went duck-hunting with-- with Jack? We went, we did. We went on a little hunting trip. You shot a duck? I shot at a duck and You killed an innocent creature of the sky? I think I might've clipped it or And now, for the piece de resistance. Little somethin' I've been workin' on.
Mom will be out in a sec. It's the Wall of Gaylord. The Wall of Gaylord? Isn't it nice to finally display your accomplishments, Son? Honey, look at all your awards. Oh, I didn't know they made ninth place ribbons. Oh, Jack, they got them all the way up to th place. Anybody want to get a drink by the lagoon? This one looks impressive. We've always tried to instill a sense of self in Gaylord without being too goal-oriented.
It's not about winning or losing, it's about passion. We just want him to love what he's doin'. You know what I mean, Jack?
I think a competitive drive is the essential key that makes America the only remaining superpower in the world today. Don't forget the positions.Lethal Weapon 3 (2/5) Movie CLIP - Scaring the Jaywalker (1992) HD
Oh, Thank you, BJ. Ira, remember, easy on the thrusting. What-- What kind of work does your mother do with those patients? Those look like yoga mats. Is there yoga involved? It's sort of, um, a, um, a-- a-- a couples therapy. It's kind of her own sort of-- Rozela! How are you, baby girl? Look at you, you're glowing! I-- I just can't believe it's taken us this long to meet, huh.
And who's this little hairball? They brought their grandson Baby Jack along. I could eat him up. Bern, did you show them where they're sleeping? Because we don't have any air-conditioning, I made up a nice spot for you in Roz's office 'cause it gets the best breeze, and it's very near the communal commode. Oh, well, you know, actually, we're gonna stay in our motor home.
We sleep under the same roof. Actually, Mom's office is kind of cluttered. So, that-- that works all right. It's just really easier with Little Jack. They wanna sleep in the trailer, let them sleep in the trailer.
Mom, it's not actually-- It's not a trailer. It's kind of like-- It's like a-- like a hotel on wheels. This is practically a hotel. I was gonna do the turndown service-- I know, I know, but it's their choice. Wherever you feel most comfortable is fine. Bern, let it go. Yeah, let it go. Look at you, sulking. Now, look at this. I married a teenager. At least you have the libido of a teenager. I gave her a little matinee today-- Oh!
How about a double feature? Why don't we go show them the lagoon? Come see the lagoon. We'll get drunk, we'll take a piss in the lagoon. Roz, why don't you take them outside? I'll make a drink. Hey, Dad-- It's going good so far, right? Dad, you gotta take down that weird shrine thing. But I'm very proud of you, Gaylord. What's wrong with showing it?
Most people aren't proud of sixth place ribbons. Since when do you care about most people? I don't, but Jack is really into winning and competition and sports. It's a whole other thing with him.
- Meet the Fockers (2004)
You're a winner up here and in here. And that's all that matters. I don't know what that means, but thank you. So, to solve that problem, I created a life-like latex left breast moulded from his mother's actual left breast, so this way L. You're avoiding confusion by strapping a boob on a man? Well, yes, believe it or not, it is less confusing because of the texture Mom. Uh, I guess it's very, uh, creative. A little birdie told me that one of our guests here is a Tom Collins man.
Oh, for pity's sake. Isn't that nice, Jack? I want to make a toast. Now, I had a vasectomy in So, unfortunately, I never had the chance to procreate a daughter, but had I been able to, I really would've wanted a girl as sensitive and as intelligent and as beautiful as this young lady sitting right here before us.
Danny Glover, who appears in another of our favorite bathroom movie scenes, portrays one of the killers. Through process of elimination, the Punks figure out that the Warriors must be hiding inside the stalls. In the opening black and white sceneBond is assigned to terminate a traitor who he tracks down in a restroom in Prague. The film also includes a later bathroom scene where Bond and Vesper Eva Green shower in their evening clothes after a particularly close call.
Naturally, Powers is triumphant we had two sequels, after all and the foiled bathroom assassination joins the annals of the greatest bathroom scenes of all time. Riggs contacts the bomb squad who buy him enough time to pull Murtaugh into a steel-enamel bathtub.
We think that this is one of those situations. When private detective Jackson Healy Russell Crowe needs information from his rival Holland March Ryan Goslinghe runs him down in a public restroom stall. March, fearing another beating, opens the door and points a revolver at the intimidating Healy. Left to his own devices, he acknowledges the importance of personal grooming and narrates his bathroom preparation. The scene ends with one of the most memorable bathroom moments in any movie as Kevin reacts to splashing his face with aftershave.
Miyagi Pat Morita teaching Daniel Ralph Macchio an important lesson about life through the ancient fighting art of Karate, one of our favorite bathroom movie scenes comes before the two team up.