Relationship breakdown because of my Depression and Anxiety
Sometimes it can feel like the anxiety is a third person in the relationship, someone who wriggles in between you and your partner. This person. A woman living with anxiety and depression describes the struggle of maintaining relationships with a mental illness. Read how generalized anxiety disorder can negatively impact your relationships, by causing you to become overly dependent or avoidant of.
Sometimes, I can barely focus enough to follow along in the conversation and sometimes responding is simply yes or no. I receive supportive messages from friends and family and I want to respond, but I am too drained to tell them how important their words are to me.Love Someone Who Has Depression? This is What You Need to Know.
The anxiety makes meeting new people painful. I feel anxious in almost every social situation, even if I am simply talking to my spouse. Socializing terrifies me and it is a basic standard for all relationships, acquaintance or spouse. A friend calls but I am too depressed to talk. A family member texts but I am too hypomanic to respond. I meet a new person but I am too anxious to interact effectively so the potential relationship dies before it even starts. A friend waits patiently for a year for me to get the courage to drive across town by myself and go visit her.
I cancel a coffee date again because I am too anxious to go out in public. I make grand plans when I am up, and cancel when I am down. Thankfully, the people in my life understand. I may not respond to their text message, but they know what I mean to say. A canceled plan is met with shrugged shoulders and assurance that we can just reschedule for another time. My friendships are still intact even though I will go months without seeing them and my family reaches out to me when I am noticeably absent from a gathering.
The people by my side today are the people who offer me the one thing I need the most: In order to be my friend, in order to be in my life, you have to support me.
You have to be patient and understanding, loving and caring. But playing these kind of games isn't the most straightforward way to get there. It may well start an argument or cause upset when it doesn't go your way and, for example, they just leave 'because you're ignoring me'.
So instead - before you take an action which might affect your relationship - try to establish what it is that you really need and think about whether there is a clearer, more open path to get it. Use what works even if it feels weird It's really common to feel as though a relationship should flow along wonderfully and if it doesn't then there is something wrong with it.
In fact this is quite a disempowering viewpoint.
You have the power to make it work if you both want to. Sometimes this involves finding tools and techniques to help.
Some of the suggestions for managing really difficult times in relationships include ones using numbers to help you communicate when you're not feeling up to a long conversation. Deciding what the numbers mean 1 might be 'I'm just about doing ok, but could use some love today so be patient with me' and 5 might be 'I'm really struggling, I don't even feel able to talk about it but I need you with me today so much I need you to prioritise me over other plans' and then using them to communicate how you feel could help when, in the moment, you're not able to put it into words.
Another tactic if you are struggling to put everything you want to say into words is to try writing it down. It might feel odd initially to hand your partner a letter or send them an email when you live in the same house - but you might find that it works. You have more time to formulate what you want to say and they have more time to absorb it and work out how they feel about it. These techniques might not work for you but my point is that you shouldn't feel odd about using whatever does.
It's actually a really normal and healthy way to negotiate difficult times effectively. On a slightly different note - be prepared and open to trying things that you might not think is 'you'. This might be a mindfulness course or some counselling - as a couple or individually.
Finding new spaces and ways of managing and talking about how to strengthen your couple 'team' can be really valuable - and in ways you don't always expect. Enlist the help of your partner in helping you to recognise when you're struggling and reminding you it won't last forever - and don't disregard it when they do. In a previous blog entry, I wrote about how when you are in the midst of a depressive episode it's hard to imagine that you will ever feel better.
You can't remember what it feels like to feel good. You often need help in this state to be reminded about what feeling better feels like. Your partner can help with this. When they do remind you it's very easy to push it aside - that's what depression makes you do.
But try and remember to listen to them - even if in the moment you can't genuinely believe what they are saying. Knowing your partner knows you and wants the best for you means it is easier to trust them when they are encouraging you that taking a shower, taking a walk, going for a run or attending your appointment is actually a good move.
Similarly, a partner can help you to notice when you are showing the warning signs of a relapse - especially if you identify what these are and put them up on a list somewhere. Identifying the warning signs is a useful exercise for you both.
Read up on it and ask about it. There are loads of useful resources both on and offline which can help you both to understand the issues and how you can help each other. If you find something that seems to make sense to you or describes how you feel or the interactions you have as a couple - share it with your partner.
There are also loads of forums and support groups that can help. This leads me on to; Look for support from others. As a couple, you will be managing depression or anxiety as part of your relationship. But both partners can benefit from getting external support. Hearing other's stories or just having somewhere else to talk about it - whether this is online, or with a friend over coffee or a drink - can really help.
Don't underestimate the pressure that being the one relied on can cause.
How To Cope When Your Partner Has Depression Or Anxiety - mindbodygreen
This follows neatly on from the previous point and is mainly for a partner who tends to spend more time supporting the other. In many relationships I think this role can be one played by both partners at one time or another. When you are close and open about managing mental health in relationships together, it can be easy to become too reliant on each other.
It can feel as though they are the only ones who understand. But being the only one relied on can be a lot of pressure - even if it feels like you can manage it. Think about who else around you can also help to support you or your partner maybe friends or family?